[fairlymont]

after having a quick read though some of the posts here, I felt compelled to share my story.

I was diagnosed with major depression last July. it kind of snuck up on me out of nowhere after being good for a long time. I struggled with these feelings in my teenage years and dulled them with alcohol and I was a binge drinker. back then I didn't really know what it was that I was feeling so I never sought treatment. I stopped drinking completely after my stepfather died of liver cancer - he told me he believed he got it because he was a drinker. he wasn't a alcoholic or a drunk, in his words it was because he drank more than most people.

over time I noticed the classic symptoms that most people get creeping up again. I was losing interest in things I normally enjoyed, became withdrawn and started cutting people off and generally feeling like crap. I'd then feel even worse off because I knew that there are people out there who are worse off than me and started to feel guilty about feeling like crap because I'm young (25) I have a decent job, some money in the bank, a few cars, motorbike, etc. I tried to keep busy and told myself that I was stupid, ungrateful and a ****wit for feeling how I did.

a few months of that passed and the feelings of negativity, depression, agitation and dread started getting worse. I started getting suicidal thoughts. I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping and I actually started to plan how I was going to take my own life. the only thing that stopped me was not wanting to put my family through the pain I was feeling.

I went to see my GP, and thats how I got the ball rolling and was diagnosed with severe depression. I started seeing a phycologist every fortnight and started on antidepressants (mirtazapine) after bumping up the drugs a few months later and finishing up with the phycologist early this year, I was feeling good.

I bumped down the mirtazapine because I was feeling better and feeling the side affects that go with that drug (I packed on weight, my hunger was ferocious and I was feeling groggy and tired all the time) and continued on the lower dosage for a few months. recently the symptoms have started coming back, along with crippling panic attacks. I didn't want to be reliant on the mirtaz again (horrible stuff if you start feeling the side effects and made me feel like a zombie and zero sex drive) I recently switched from mirtazapine to valdoxan and deralin. the valdoxan so far seems to be taking the edge off and I haven't had any severe withdrawals from the mirtaz. only downside is the cost of it - about $70 a month and the need for regular liver function tests. which probably are a good idea considering my abuse of the drink in the past.

well, thats my story. if anyone is interested in my progress on valdoxan, just let me know. the gp said it's a fairly new drug in Australia and is supposed to not produce any of the side affects that come with most other medications.