Marriage - Bliss or Prison?

[290v]

I've been married now for 36yrs and have no regrets

Originally Posted by prydey

For every bad story there are plenty of good ones. 46 years for my folks this year. 22 years for my wife and I this year.

[nuthin' fancy]

I've been happily married for 6 years (since 1996).

[Yellow_Festiva]

Originally Posted by nuthin' fancy

I've been happily married for 6 years (since 1996).

LoL

And the rest?

Sent from my LG-M700 using Tapatalk

[blueoval]

21yrs married, not dead yet

[nuthin' fancy]

Working, saving, raising a daughter (together) and two years working with Franco.

[buggerlugs]

Originally Posted by nuthin' fancy

Working, saving, raising a daughter (together) and two years working with Franco.

Poor Bastard...........







Does he still spend half his life on the sh itta ?

[ford71V8]

I have never dealt with a worse department.
CSA, 18years, thank god its over.

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by ford71V8

I have never dealt with a worse department.
CSA, 18years, thank god its over.

I've got to the point I refuse to talk directly with them.

Send me the statements and correspondence and I'll pay, but otherwise leave me the * alone.

[Syndrome]

Bliss if the the man and woman are honest with each other and are willing to compromise when resolving conflicts.

Prison if they are opposite of the above.

[Yellow_Festiva]

Originally Posted by Syndrome

Bliss if the the man and woman are honest with each other and are willing to compromise when resolving conflicts.

Prison if they are opposite of the above.

Our divorce rate will continue to rise so long as there are large financial incentives available to one of the parties should they decide one day to part ways for any reason.

We live in a disposable society, marriage and relationships included.

Unfortunately for the children involved.

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[Syndrome]

Originally Posted by Yellow_Festiva

Our divorce rate will continue to rise so long as there are large financial incentives available to one of the parties should they decide one day to part ways for any reason.

We live in a disposable society, marriage and relationships included.

Unfortunately for the children involved.

Sent from my LG-M700 using Tapatalk

Are you indirectly saying that the change introduced by the Whitlam government is to blame for today's increasing divorce rate?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Law_Act_1975

[Yellow_Festiva]

Originally Posted by Syndrome

Are you indirectly saying that the change introduced by the Whitlam government is to blame for today's increasing divorce rate?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Law_Act_1975

I'm saying that the current system is broken and generally speaking has an underlying hatred for fathers.

While the legislation refers to equal parental 'responsibility' this one single word has caused great angst as it is only seen to refer to decision making abilities and financial support.

Had that word been changed to 'care' the vast majority of parenting cases would never have needed to go to court as essentially the vagueness of the legislation and the grey areas in almost all aspects of family law mean its open to interpretation by both parties and decisions are made based on how much one party can 'out screw' the other.

Children are used as a means to manipulate the other side and to gain financial leverage by the parent who has claimed 'ownership' of them after separation.

Family court and the ambiguous legislation its based on has nothing to do with child welfare. Its a circus of lies, blackmail, manipulation and theft that is played out to judges that blatantly don't care much for details, hardly read applications, don't bother speaking directly to people involved then act blasé to claims that should have a large bearing on decisions.

It should not take 3-5 years to decide what is the best parenting and financial settlement after separation at a cost of between $100-$200k per side.

Parenting needs to be finalised in 1 month (with a simple review process every few years), property in 3 months.

But who will lose if things are sorted out so fast? Same people who will tell you the system is great and has worked so well thus far - lawyers and Barristers.

A Royal Commission will do nothing. A class action should be made against the Family Courts and Child Support for the blatant and wilful destruction of so many families.

Originally Posted by Yellow_Festiva

A class action should be made against the Family Courts and Child Support for the blatant and wilful destruction of so many families.

If you get to the point where you're all at family court, the family had already broken down. Perhaps a little more investment into the relationship may prevent people from ending up there?

How many women do you think willingly head to family court for separation when they're in a happy marriage?

[zilo]

Originally Posted by Yellow_Festiva

Our divorce rate will continue to rise so long as there are large financial incentives available to one of the parties should they decide one day to part ways for any reason.

We live in a disposable society, marriage and relationships included.

Unfortunately for the children involved.

You hit the nail on the head in the bold bit.

All three of my sisters divorced.

The blokes hold back the money...the girls hold back access to the kids.

They all made me puke, especially when they asked me and my wife to take sides

It used to peez me off having my kids go to a school with the school resources being disproportinately used for idiots whose deliquent kids were affecting educational outcomes for those of us who worked hard at our marriages.

I am so feking sick of self entitled young people who think tax payer funded child care is their right and that their kids should be given all the opportunities that my kids get even though they chose to make their kids chances nearly zero.

Fortunately private schools keep them and their little clones outa the picture....best thing I ever did.

I am so sick of divorced couples playing games.

Our policy now is break contact with them all...they are toxic for a marriage

[guzzis3]

Originally Posted by Syndrome

Are you indirectly saying that the change introduced by the Whitlam government is to blame for today's increasing divorce rate?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Law_Act_1975

Well if he isn't I am. My parents divorced in 72 or 73. Can't remember. I remember it being far too easy for them. you make it easy to discard marriage then people don't take it seriously. No longer for life, just for now.

But the real issue with family law is the profound systematic discrimination against men.

Originally Posted by guzzis3

No longer for life, just for now.

What do you suggest that would fix the issues in the marriage instead?

https://divorcedmoms.com/sudden-divo...ed-by-divorce/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/b...-wife-syndrome

[PG2]

Sometimes divorce can have a positive effect on children. I'll start off by saying that my 'real' parents still to this day can't stand being on the same planet as each other let alone in the same town.

My parents have been divorced since 1980 after separating in 1979. I was 6 years old at the time, my brother was 4. To be honest, I can't really remember my parents being together and I can only assume that my brother can't remember it all. It is weird to say, "Mum and Dad..."

On the upside, I now have two Mums and two Dads and have so for a very loooong time. It was particularly great when I was in my late teens to early 20s - if one lot of parents weren't home or away on holidays etc I would simply go over to my other parents place had have a home cooked meal and get them to do my washing.

When we had kids it was even better, twice as many babysitters!!!

I'd hate to think what it would be like if my parents had stayed together. How different would my life be now, same may think even better, but growing up with two parents that would have still hated each other I think not.

[PG2]

Gentlemen, while I understand that most of us on here are males and therefore will be biased towards the men side of things lets not shoot down a female's opinion on things.

I understand that leesa has very strong opinions, and I certainly don't agree with them all, but it wouldn't hurt any of us to at least give them the same thought as we do to each other's.

Let's concede that there are both some very unreasonable men and women out there that can make their 'ex' lives an absolute misery.

EDIT: I am not posting this from a moderator perspective. I just think that everyone, whether male of female, will have different opinions on what can be the most stressful time of someone's life.

Originally Posted by PG2

EDIT: I am not posting this from a moderator perspective. I just think that everyone, whether male of female, will have different opinions on what can be the most stressful time of someone's life.

I'm not here to attack anyone personally, just to provide an opinion from the other side which sometimes isn't what people want to hear. I'm ok with that, people can reply as they see fit, as long as it doesn't get personal. Sometimes hearing things from the other side can be good, for both them and myself.

[GasoLane]

Originally Posted by leesa

I'm not here to attack anyone personally, just to provide an opinion from the other side which sometimes isn't what people want to hear. I'm ok with that, people can reply as they see fit, as long as it doesn't get personal. Sometimes hearing things from the other side can be good, for both them and myself.

Can I ask how long you've been married and how is it going for you?

Originally Posted by GasoLane

Can I ask how long you've been married and how is it going for you?

I'm not married, I don't believe in marriage personally.
I'm sure there are going to be plenty of people who feel that I shouldn't have anything to say in a thread about marriage if I'm not married and yeah perhaps that's fair, but I'd hazard a guess that I'd at least have a different perspective than most on this forum. Women aren't a mystery if you think outside the box a little bit and be open to communication, whether in a marriage or outside of one.

[ford71V8]

Originally Posted by leesa

...Women aren't a mystery if you think outside the box a little bit....

Love this line.


Just need to work out how far outside, and then how to navigate my way back to the box I can no longer see

[zilo]

Originally Posted by leesa

I'm not married, I don't believe in marriage personally.
.

Lisa, for a lot of guys it's all about the sex, that's why they get married.
Nice regular sex with a good lookin' gal is the implied marriage contract.

The physical attraction is what we all initially start with..
The friendship/love stuff grows with time.

If the physical stuff stops too early then it all falls apart for most.

My solution is for blokes to always marry a much younger gal...it keeps the whole thing ticking long a lot longer.

If one isnt interested in sex with the same person then getting married is a waste of time.

[Yellow_Festiva]

I think I'll leave it at that Leesa. Not because either of us are right or wrong, but because its obviously a raw point for me and the back and forth banter isn't helping either of us.

[MercuryT]

Remembers guys if we worked harder at the relationship everything would have been absolutely fine.

[Franco Cozzo]

Hypothetical discussion here -

Your 'partner' isn't happy in the relationship and 'wants' aren't being met, maybe they've just got bored or things have taken a turn for the worse physically/mentally and they're not into it anymore.

They approach you and they've mentioned

A) Wants aren't being met
B) This has been happening for a while
C) If things don't improve they'll leave for greener pastures

They suggest opening up the relationship to involve others to sort out those 'wants' (use your imagination)

Would this end the relationship and you'll be willing to put the assets up in court or would you be open to compromise (applies to you also) for a chance of keeping decades of blood sweat and tears out of the hands of lawyers?

I've met plenty of interesting people Australia wide from all walks of life from very well off professionals and successful business owners to the 'Average Joe/Josaphine' and a common theme that comes up is that they love the mother/father of their children and their relationship but they're getting the wants serviced elsewhere by other means as it just faded/fell off.

If you're staunchly against said suggestions and it would end the relationship - is through societal/religious construct that would prevent you from heading down this path?

Don't go into detail, just an outline of your thoughts.

[blueoval]

Originally Posted by Franco Cozzo

Hypothetical discussion here -

Your 'partner' isn't happy in the relationship and 'wants' aren't being met, maybe they've just got bored or things have taken a turn for the worse physically/mentally and they're not into it anymore.

They approach you and they've mentioned

A) Wants aren't being met
B) This has been happening for a while
C) If things don't improve they'll leave for greener pastures

They suggest opening up the relationship to involve others - ie could be involving sex workers or swingers parties, dating apps for casual hookups etc.

Would this end the relationship and you'll be willing to put the assets up in court or would you be open to compromise (applies to you also) for a chance of keeping decades of blood sweat and tears out of the hands of lawyers?

I've met plenty of interesting people Australia wide from all walks of life from very well off professionals and successful business owners to the 'Average Joe/Josaphine' and a common theme that comes up is that they love the mother/father of their children and their relationship but they're getting the wants serviced elsewhere by other means as it just faded/fell off.

If you're staunchly against said suggestions and it would end the relationship - is through societal/religious construct that would prevent you from heading down this path?

Don't go into detail, just an outline of your thoughts.

For me, I would question what I am doing wrong to not fulfill the 'role' in the relationship for them to look at it as a deal breaker.

That said, I am religious and very intent on keeping things monogamous. If said partner were to pursue someone outside of the confines of the marriage bond, its over as far as I'm concerned.

The non reciprocating partner would have to be abusive in the worst way to think otherwise.

As far as Im concerned, looking for 'greener pastures' is a cop out to pursue a selfish motive of gratification.

My question to those who have this line of thinking is, have you actually tried to talk and work through the problems or looking for the easy way out?

[Ratmick]

Originally Posted by Franco Cozzo

Hypothetical discussion here -

Your 'partner' isn't happy in the relationship and 'wants' aren't being met, maybe they've just got bored or things have taken a turn for the worse physically/mentally and they're not into it anymore.

They approach you and they've mentioned

A) Wants aren't being met
B) This has been happening for a while
C) If things don't improve they'll leave for greener pastures

They suggest opening up the relationship to involve others to sort out those 'wants' (use your imagination)

Would this end the relationship and you'll be willing to put the assets up in court or would you be open to compromise (applies to you also) for a chance of keeping decades of blood sweat and tears out of the hands of lawyers?

I've met plenty of interesting people Australia wide from all walks of life from very well off professionals and successful business owners to the 'Average Joe/Josaphine' and a common theme that comes up is that they love the mother/father of their children and their relationship but they're getting the wants serviced elsewhere by other means as it just faded/fell off.

If you're staunchly against said suggestions and it would end the relationship - is through societal/religious construct that would prevent you from heading down this path?

Don't go into detail, just an outline of your thoughts.

Hey Damo, been there, and whereas I didn't 'do that' my Ex certainly did with two lesbian affairs (the last one was not the end of it for her, but it was the end of it with me).

In her case her 'needs' or 'wants' weren't being fulfilled as I had one penis too many (I only have one).

In my case my 'needs' or 'wants' were secondary and not in the equation.

She did suggest an 'open marriage' and staying together for the kids but you know me, I'm pretty old-school and that is not who I am.

...so we separated just short of twenty years, mostly amicably, and a few years later we were divorced. She took her pound of flesh, as she was entitled to, and I put my nose down/bum up and tried bringing up our three kids (she left them behind).

However we separated in August 2007 and in September 2007 I met my current partner and we're still together, despite the best efforts of my kids and my mother early on, and her youngest daughter the last few years.

Do I regret it? No.

Do I hate women? Of course not.

Do I hate divorce lawyers/the Family Court? No, but they're not my favourite people.

Hate is a strong emotion and it tires you out holding onto it.

Would I get married again? That is a tough one as Glen and I have both had our heads kicked by previous partners and we're a bit...mentally scarred

We have lived together since 2008 though, and became engaged on September 29^th 2017 (we met on Grand Final Day 2007). I wouldn't mind getting married again, at some point, but not until her daughter has left home. It won't be a big shindig though, it'd be small and informal.

[PG2]

Originally Posted by Ratmick

...

We have lived together since 2008 though, and became engaged on September 29^th 2017 (we met on Grand Final Day 2007). I wouldn't mind getting married again, at some point, but not until her daughter has left home. It won't be a big shindig though, it'd be small and informal.

There is a couple of us willing to help you with that...

[GasoLane]

Originally Posted by PG2

There is a couple of us willing to help you with that...

Heathcote next year would be ok.