Friends with ex partners - Page 2

Skotty · 01-02-2007, 11:27 PM

mmm, it is because of the ex I got my apprenticeship, she bought my verada for me! and that was $6,500! then gave me a $1,500 stereo for it. It's because of her getting me that car I got my apprenticeship, but then I gave it a full respray, she left me n took the car, and now it's on the market... meh car's never the same after a big accident.... (I put it into a tree)

Skotty · 01-02-2007, 11:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XR Rob

Skotty, staying friends is basically a tactic whereby she doesn't want to let you out of her life altogether and she is "hedging bets" that you might get back together. You even sense that she still might want to be more than mates. Follow your instincts. If you think she does, and you don't want that, it's time to get out of her life altogether and not even be mates. Staying will just confuse everything.

Yeah well mate, she said if I didn't go for a cruise with her ex friend the other night she would of tried to take me back, and at that stage I think I would of, but meh, I'm a **** load happier at the moment... probably cause I'm living with me mates now as well...

XR Rob · 01-02-2007, 11:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skotty

Yeah well mate, she said if I didn't go for a cruise with her ex friend the other night she would of tried to take me back, and at that stage I think I would of, but meh, I'm a **** load happier at the moment... probably cause I'm living with me mates now as well...

You can only trust your instincts and do what you feel is best. If your current situation now makes you feel happier, it's pretty clear what you should be doing. No one deserves to be in an unhappy relationship and, from her POV, no one deserves to have a partner who isn't really into it, so it sounds like the current situation is probably best for both of you, even if she can't see it from her side... yet.

Skotty · 01-02-2007, 11:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XR Rob

You can only trust your instincts and do what you feel is best. If your current situation now makes you feel happier, it's pretty clear what you should be doing. No one deserves to be in an unhappy relationship and, from her POV, no one deserves to have a partner who isn't really into it, so it sounds like the current situation is probably best for both of you, even if she can't see it from her side... yet.

Yeah, I kinda find it funny how she gets jelouse when I go out... even the other night I went into the casino with a mate till 3am (had to be at work by 7.30am :o), she cracked it cause I was out with a mate having some fun

:

LUXO_8 · 01-02-2007, 11:59 PM

that sounds like my ex..... hated me going to car club events, going out with mates,etc, to the point she'd make me feel bad for going.....

Skotty · 02-02-2007, 12:07 AM

She could get rather controlling, when I got the verada, I wanted either a S13 Silvia, a VL Calais, or a R31 Silo... and she didn't want me to get a RWD... hehe...

XR Rob · 02-02-2007, 12:07 AM

It's just not healthy. All relationships are give and take. And if you're not seeing the girl anymore, Skotty, I'm not sure where she gets off trying to dictate what you can and can't do. That's just weird.

[Tonko] · 02-02-2007, 12:12 AM

Aaaah, been there, done that. but i never talk to any of my exes, it just gets too complicated...
In my experience, just think of yourself as a free man, to do whatever (and whoever) you want, enjoy single life, and not having to explain to the missus everything...

my 20c

Ford_Boy · 02-02-2007, 12:34 AM

ive been with my girl for 2 years now and we had a massive fight and she didnt want to be with me, said im not the same. i thought about it, being single and meeting girls but for some reason it got me scared, i didn't want the change i was happy in my relationship. i told her how i felt and she forgave me. we have been happy ever since. the only picky thing i can find about her is that her family are all holden lovers lol. i couldnt imagine being single. somtimes at work id want to call someone but all i could think about was calling her. its a good feeling having somone caring about you. i say give it another try, if it feels too weird then end it. my mates have tryed the benifit thing and it only makes them confused. girls can control you when you get benifits. either try again but explain to her what you want changed and comprimise if not then just leave and enjoy yourself if you can.

BA_Turbs · 02-02-2007, 12:36 AM

It sounds a lot like your caught up in being 19 and not being able to sort out what matters in life and what doesn't.

Take my word for it, if you mien this thread up in 10 years you'll feel silly.

Skotty · 02-02-2007, 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BA_Turbs

It sounds a lot like your caught up in being 19 and not being able to sort out what matters in life and what doesn't.

Take my word for it, if you mien this thread up in 10 years you'll feel silly.

I might have to throw it in the old bookmarks then aye? lol...

Single is cool, but meh to doing whoever, I know I sound like a panzy, but I got far too much respect for myself, and females than to sleep around :o oh my god a 19yo male that thinks like that?

xurbanx · 02-02-2007, 12:54 AM

Not the only one Skotty, I'm pretty much on the same boat. (in regards to sleeping around).

I guess give it time for the "wounds" to "close up". Even though you're saying all these things to feel better chances are whenever you guys spend time together as mates, you'll still have something for her. Let it be for a few months till the "hurt" and when the acceptance has settled then try to be friends again.

XRchic · 02-02-2007, 12:55 AM

Want a female perspective?

You CANNOT be friends with an ex until you are over them. Once you are no longer in love with them, you can see them for who they really are, accept their faults and just deal with them when you see them, without emotion.

It took me 3 years to get over my ex after he walked out on me and the kids. And keeping on seeing him made it so much worse. I would get to a point where I felt like I could get over him, then I would see him again and be back at square 1. Then I put a stop to it, didnt see him for years.

When I saw him again, I was completely and utterly over him and he had sorted his life out too. Now he and his girlfriend of 5 years have the kids every second weekend. My partner and I see them all the time, they come over for BBQs, we all spend time with the kids, and they even babysit our new son, Toby. They come over for Christmas, the kids birthday parties etc...

It probably took 8 years, a lot of growing up, a lot of time apart and just some hard times to get to this point though. But while you still have a broken heart, you CANNOT be friends, it just hurts too much.

Thats just my perspective.

Also, from a chic's perspective, it sounds like she is playing games with you a bit. Just cease all contact with her at all, no phone calls, no sms - nothing. For weeks and weeks. Remove yourself from her games. You will be better off for it in the long run.

Van D · 02-02-2007, 12:59 AM

I went against everyone and i've done it.

My ex (of 2 and a bit years, since I was 15, now 18) and I broke up about 5-6 months ago, and it was some of the hardest months of my life (not just the relationship stuff, family, friends etc) and she stuck by me the whole way even when there was another female interest.

It's been real tough as at times there's the whole 'more than best friends' thing to deal with as well, but it's slowly started to work out, and the positives are great already. She's one of my only mates to really stick by me, and I wouldn't want it any other way.

It's up to you man. We're both from the same close friends circle, so if we weren't friends it'd be tough anyway. Even though it's been hard, we just knew the right feelings weren't there for a relationship and it was just routine.

Spose different strokes. If you think it's worth it, go for it. I definently thought it was, cos I know we're friends for as long as we want it (we've both put eachother through the worst **** possible in the past and stayed by eachother).

Van D · 02-02-2007, 01:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by XRchic

Want a female perspective?

You CANNOT be friends with an ex until you are over them. Once you are no longer in love with them, you can see them for who they really are, accept their faults and just deal with them when you see them, without emotion.

It took me 3 years to get over my ex after he walked out on me and the kids. And keeping on seeing him made it so much worse. I would get to a point where I felt like I could get over him, then I would see him again and be back at square 1. Then I put a stop to it, didnt see him for years.

When I saw him again, I was completely and utterly over him and he had sorted his life out too. Now he and his girlfriend of 5 years have the kids every second weekend. My partner and I see them all the time, they come over for BBQs, we all spend time with the kids, and they even babysit our new son, Toby. They come over for Christmas, the kids birthday parties etc...

It probably took 8 years, a lot of growing up, a lot of time apart and just some hard times to get to this point though. But while you still have a broken heart, you CANNOT be friends, it just hurts too much.

Thats just my perspective.

Also, from a chic's perspective, it sounds like she is playing games with you a bit. Just cease all contact with her at all, no phone calls, no sms - nothing. For weeks and weeks. Remove yourself from her games. You will be better off for it in the long run.

And I agree with the getting over them part.

JADED6 · 02-02-2007, 04:08 AM

Agree ^^
Although thinking yeh I'm over them and actually being over them is another thing.
Takes years no matter what.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Feathers

I'm still good friends with my ex. I even went and stayed with him and his family for a few days in November (~18 months after the relationship ended).

I think for us it's probably a lot easier to be friends since we live in different states, but then I think that was also the major factor in the relationship not working either.

Yah right. We all know it's because he bought a Jap import.
hehe. just jokes.

mad machs · 02-02-2007, 04:31 AM

Get on better with my ex wife now than when we were married, still see her around a fair bit because our 11 year old daughter lives at my place & stays with her mum a couple of days during the week.

chrispie123 · 02-02-2007, 12:32 PM

with most ex's i have cut off ties friends with ex's are just way to complicated
although this time round we split remained friends with benifits and now are back together so i guess it depends on the situation

Tommo224 · 02-02-2007, 12:32 PM

im 19 and still good friends with all my ex's lol.. its not hard to pull off haha..

unless if one ****** me over, like cheated and all that ****, then screw that she can go to hell.. but other than that, i dont see reason to lose a friendship as well as a relationship..

one of my ex's is now one of my best friends.. another one who i was sorta seeing but not lol, we are best friends aswell.. just.. the whole jealousy thing does come about and get me down.. and gets her down.. but we bare with it, id rather keep her as a close friend than lose her..

another ex we hardly see eachother, but im full over it so it doesnt bother me that she is with someoen else now.. and my first gf, we didnt see eachother for a month, but we kept as friends.. we would "do things" on random occasions but then once that ended things was still all good.. and we stayed as friends..

it can be done, it may be hard for the first little while.. but as you guys start getting over things, set boundaries and make obvious where you stand (so theres no misunderstandings with things she says or does to you, and vice versa) you guys should be able to last..

although, it all does depending on the circumstances and such of the break up and yeah..

GXL078 · 02-02-2007, 12:40 PM

Why don't you ask Dr.Phil for some relationship advice? http://www.drphil.com/plugger/respond/?plugID=9163

Feathers · 02-02-2007, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JADED6

Yah right. We all know it's because he bought a Jap import.
hehe. just jokes.

Hahahaha I still give him **** for that, but it's now the car he's had the longest without killing it.
I don't mind the 'line now. I wouldn't trade in the XR for one, but it might be a fun toy to play with on the weekends.

drcook · 02-02-2007, 01:35 PM

like a band-aid.... RIGHT OFF!!

honer · 02-02-2007, 01:38 PM

[QUOTE=Tommo224]im 19 and still good friends with all my ex's lol.. its not hard to pull off haha..
QUOTE]

And I bet most of those were probably 1-3 month 'relationships' ?

lukey · 02-02-2007, 01:44 PM

From my experience, I was good friends with an ex but really it didn't work. Even considering we became 'good' friends again 2 years + after we broke up, it worked for a while but now that I think of it it wasn't really the best friendship and didn't really work as much as we wanted it too. Whereas my other ex, who I don't really see much but still talk to her irregularly works a lot better.

My advice would be, just keep it quiet for now and don't try to go too far into the friendship already. And you may find you don't really need to make a choice, it will either just happen or not. Trying to make something happen usually isn't a good idea, it just happens or not.

That's just from my point anyway.

XR06T · 02-02-2007, 01:52 PM

i still see my first gf.. i knew her for a coupla years before we went out, went out for 2 years, were friends with benifits for another 6 months, and have been friends for over 3 years since that.. still see her > once a fortnight! we've seen each other through all the main events that someone can have so far, and have similar interests etc so its always good to get together for coffee!

if you can get over loving them and they can do the same then there is no problem really. what you cant do is be friends if you do still love each other because that will always end up mess imo

best of luck mate, and if i was you i'd be staying clear

EA2BA · 02-02-2007, 01:55 PM

EX is an EX and thats that, you say hi in the street, but otherwise you don't contact them and ignore/delete contact from them.

If you choose to try and stay friends, then when you meet someone new 1st thing is explain the EX situation, it will only take 1 silly joke SMS/message about something sexual or even meet for coffee from your EX to ruin the next relationship, you can bet on that.

XRCIST · 02-02-2007, 02:18 PM

Trying to be friends with them if you still have feelings for them is one of the hardest things, most of the time it will never work out. Ive had a similar situation, went out with a girl, tried to be firends after, old feelings came back and then you just end up feeling confused and not knowing what to think. Keep your distance for a while, give it time to settle, and then try and go for the whole friends thing if you think it will be worth it. Ive learnt my lesson now and if i was you i would cut off contact completely and move on, it will be hard at the start but it will be worth it later.

^^^^^^^^^^
EA2BA, i agree 100% mate with you mate.

Tommo224 · 02-02-2007, 02:59 PM

[QUOTE=honer]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tommo224

im 19 and still good friends with all my ex's lol.. its not hard to pull off haha..
QUOTE]

And I bet most of those were probably 1-3 month 'relationships' ?

yes they were..

sorry its not up to your standard of "relationship"

02-02-2007, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skotty

Well... here's the story, I'm 19, only had one g/f of 18 months, and we broke up 3 or 4 weeks ago, now heres the catch, she still wants to be mates

It will not work. If you slept with her best friend (assuming she's female, or your both bi) would she have anger towards you?

Her wanting "to be just friends" is her way to clutching onto something she needs to let go of. If you let her be friends, she'll live in the expectations of something happening between you's again, and things turn ugly.

TURBO_GHIA · 02-02-2007, 05:07 PM

TRust me it never works best way to get over an EX is to hate her guts ,i was with my last g/f for over 3years and after we broke up she still wanted to be friends ,it hurt to much to be anywhere near her ,STAY AWAY far away its not worth it champ