Depression, Anxiety

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by FoxtrotGolfXray 5.0

Mate, I honestly and sincerely wish you all the best with your fight against depression. I've never been there myself, and hope that I never do.

Take care of yourself.

No I'm not necessarily depressed mate (was when younger...I'm 39 now) - I just loved the drink far too much as an outlet being alone.

When i lost my daughter in Family Court (pure lies as Ex remarried, made disgraceful sexual innuendo - I was and still am a very proud Dad), I resorted to alcohol (never any other drugs) to get through.

Thank you, massively appreciated.

Valium screws you up even more though....horrible withdrawal.

[MercuryT]

If anyone wants to know, Amiltripaline still best for me.

Older drug for mental health but a good one (just imo)

I was doing a bottle of Vodka and 12 beers a day for 6 months.

So yeah, fair bit of damage done (i still can't feel feet or arms due to nerve damage). I never drove or got aggressive etc though as I'd never hurt anyone else.

I'm not yet right, but I'm trying to move on : )

I just cut back from alcohol and stopped grabbing my phone when I was bored ?

Some people see dragons n ****...

I thought people actually wanted to see me waste copious amounts of $$$$ on a car.

Reality cleared my head but , i am just a random internet poster now and much happier /wealthier person in real life !

Cheers Daz...

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by TrVrPhiLpsiNdstrys

I just cut back from alcohol and stopped grabbing my phone when I was bored ?

Some people see dragons n ****...

I thought people actually wanted to see me waste copious amounts of $$$$ on a car.

Reality cleared my head but , i am just a random internet poster now and much happier /wealthier person in real life !

Cheers Daz...

Great work Daz.

Yes Dragons aren't unusual for me. Scares the **** out of you trust me.

I hope to get to your point soon.

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by TrVrPhiLpsiNdstrys

I just cut back from alcohol
Some people see dragons n ****...
.

Mate I ended up.in hospital from NOT drinking.

Pathetic I know.

[BA-XT]

Just been reading through the thread.

I think it's good that a forum like this lets people open up about mental illness. It's like finger prints in that it's never the same for everyone. Always unique and different. Sometimes people can know when they aren't good and life gets dark, while for others it's only afterwards they seem to see how bad it gets.

I'm concerned about this virus and what it will do to people's mental well being. Especially with winter approaching. Shorter days, cold whether and nowhere to socialise is going to be really dark. Add in job losses and financial stress..... at least this forum and others lets people open up almost unanimously which could make a lot of difference.

[DFB FGXR6]

I have found over the last couple of years, tasks that fuel the mind and break the pattern of negative thinking, have really helped me.

The most obvious being my detailing obsession, but I have also enjoyed baking and, recently, rediscovering the power of gardening. I find that when I’m out in the garden, tending to plants, that I’m concentrating on the task at hand rather than what’s bothering me.

Not everyone is blessed with a green thumb and you don’t have to be and nor does gardening have to hard work. Try sprouting seeds on a windowsill or plant some seedlings in a pot by the back door. Seeing things grow and flourish is very rewarding and feeds the soul.

Despite gardening being my profession, for some reason lately I have found a sense of enjoyment and comfort from my time in the garden. The ability to stick my head into a shrub and forget that the world is pretty crap at the moment is a very powerful tool to have in managing my mental well-being.

[oldel]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

I have found over the last couple of years, tasks that fuel the mind and break the pattern of negative thinking, have really helped me.

The most obvious being my detailing obsession, but I have also enjoyed baking and, recently, rediscovering the power of gardening. I find that when I’m out in the garden, tending to plants, that I’m concentrating on the task at hand rather than what’s bothering me.

Not everyone is blessed with a green thumb and you don’t have to be and nor does gardening have to hard work. Try sprouting seeds on a windowsill or plant some seedlings in a pot by the back door. Seeing things grow and flourish is very rewarding and feeds the soul.

Despite gardening being my profession, for some reason lately I have found a sense of enjoyment and comfort from my time in the garden. The ability to stick my head into a shrub and forget that the world is pretty crap at the moment is a very powerful tool to have in managing my mental well-being.

When I was nearing the tipping point I did get into gardening, mainly way too deep into chillies. At one stage I was in contact from people in the US and europe, swapping or buying seeds and having 60+ plants from around the world before they were even heard of in australia. That and cooking as a hobby was all I was limited too because I didn't have my own place (well sometimes I did but I planned to knock it down). Anyway, it put off my metal breakdown by about 2 years, but didn't stop it because life sucks and I'm a blackthumb (what didn't die of rot and fungus got attacked by bugs...)
I guess what I'm trying to say is don't do gardening unless you're good at it. In the end it was just extra fuel to push me over and do me in more.
E: Results may vary, I just suck I guess or I'm unlucky with root knot nematodes, aphids, fruit flies, caterpillars, fungus, root rot, white fly (or whatever that sticky **** is - maybe mites)

[Beastie]

Originally Posted by DFB FGXR6

I have found over the last couple of years, tasks that fuel the mind and break the pattern of negative thinking, have really helped me.

The most obvious being my detailing obsession, but I have also enjoyed baking and, recently, rediscovering the power of gardening. I find that when I’m out in the garden, tending to plants, that I’m concentrating on the task at hand rather than what’s bothering me.

Not everyone is blessed with a green thumb and you don’t have to be and nor does gardening have to hard work. Try sprouting seeds on a windowsill or plant some seedlings in a pot by the back door. Seeing things grow and flourish is very rewarding and feeds the soul.

Despite gardening being my profession, for some reason lately I have found a sense of enjoyment and comfort from my time in the garden. The ability to stick my head into a shrub and forget that the world is pretty crap at the moment is a very powerful tool to have in managing my mental well-being.

It's like many professions...Often the one that you work in is the last that you want to worry about 'out of hours'...

It's also nice to hear that you can drop back into your profession in a time of reflection and get some enjoyment / satisfaction out of it...

[FTE217]

I'm with you, I'm not a green thumb but grew up on parents more so Mum right into it.
Building retaining walls, new beds etc and this influenced my brother being a landscaper horticulturist.
I learnt enough from both.
Once married in our own patch got into working on our yard and obviously mowing lawns I loved, kind of weird but I enjoy it like clening my cars, seeing the finished product.
Moved 2yrs ago for Sydney on 290sqm is not too bad bush setting.
I couls see probably original owners were capable landscapers for the set up was good but later owners let everything overgrow and neglected.
With my wife its been a long haul but very satisfying getting the place in order with our touch as she says.
Very good therapy today and for sometime it seems.

[creative]

A timely thread and well.... I never thought I would be typing something like this, I was always a strong, confident person that didnt have a care in the world... That all changed for me 8 months ago when I literally came to breaking point and broke down.

I've never taken depression seriously as I had never suffered from it, I mean, how bad can it be?... now I know. Its one of the most debilitating things I have ever had to deal with.. I have good days, bad days and worse days and it felt like it came from nowhere!

I am emotionally exhausted, mentally drained and quite frankly a mess. The same day I broke down, I walked out of work at lunch and I went straight to the GP to get a referral.

I needed help and its been one of the hardest things for me to do.

I have always been the dependable one, the strong one, the one that is so sure but through this journey I have come to realise I havent been happy for a very long time and I have never talked about ... well, anything.

I started seeing a Psychiatrist, trying to work out my triggers and I was actually feeling alot better but in reality I still wasnt being totally honest and hiding behind the pressures of work, putting a face on like I always have.... until recently when I had a massive argument with the missus and I was gauding her to punch me, for her to take the pain and anger out on me, I deserve it... when in reality i was crying out for help. This has forced me to seriously look at myself and how broken I currently am.

I have days where I have this overwhelming cloud of despair over me where I literally break down and cant function. I have bouts of anger and frustration with everything and everyone and I will just simply not move off the sofa and just stare at the tv.. couldnt even tell you whats on, lets not get started on the lack of sleep and complete loss of appetite... that I am now seeing the effects of not eating properly...

I am beginning to realise I have underlying issues with losing people in my life and it stems back to my childhood, ( doesnt it always ).. I have literally lost everyone in my life I care about and I am now paying for not expressing it sooner. I put up barriers to protect myself for when the inevitable happens and I can carry on as normal.

The last week or so I have decided I need to talk, I need to let people in again, I need to express my feelings before I go mad. I took the step and told one of my boss's today because I felt they had a right to know ( been with them for 10 years on the 14th so we all know each other really well) and to give me chance to apologize for my mood swings and bouts of anger. She actually had no idea I was like this and chalked it up to being tired and under pressure.. I apparently hide things well.

why am I typing this? I have no idea.... I saw the thread and felt I needed to. It's taken me 30min just to type this, trying to make sense of the jumbled mess that's in my head, hovering over the 'post quick reply' button trying to decide if I should post the wall of text that is just me rambling..

If your reading it.. I guess I pressed it....

[nuthin' fancy]

Good on you for posting, Creative.

Life is not even or linear, there are ups and downs and we don't know what the downs are about until we get there ourselves.

We're all tough until we're not but there is no shame or embarrasment in it. I suffered an issue and ended up in front of a group of really good mates, bawling like a baby, raw and stripped bare of all pretence. I thought they were good mates, now I really know they are.

I'm not sure here is a replacement for proper therapy. The best therapy I found was sitting around a fire with a couple of beers, having your mates pull you up when you get too stupid. That's a bit dfficult just now.

But we're here to help and support as best we can and get you back to the good places that are there.

I'm in one now, a little battered and bruised but living more quietly in world I inhabit.

Stay well, PM for a chat if you need.


NF

[whitelion65]

Sounds all too familiar, Creative.
If you get a therapist you connect with, and trust, stick with them.
If you feel the one you’re seeing isn’t right, tell them, and ask them to refer you on. They won’t mind, should be used to it.
All the best mate, you’ll pull through this. It will be rough, but you’ll pull through.

[BENT_8]

One of the most important things to come to terms with is that as much as you want there to be, there is no 'magic' pill to take you back to where you we're before.
You've made the hardest steps already in recognising your problem and seeking help.
The key is to understand how that help is of benefit to you. Some people expect a complete stranger to have all the answers but as everyone's problems are so different and complex, no one could have all the answers. What they do is help you unlock the tools you already possess in order to help you help yourself, but you've got to let them in and you've got to go all in yourself, its not easy, it will feel so unnatural to begin with but the more you open up the better it will get.

Good luck.

[nuthin' fancy]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

One of the most important things to come to terms with is that as much as you want there to be, there is no 'magic' pill to take you back to where you we're before.
You've made the hardest steps already in recognising your problem and seeking help.
The key is to understand how that help is of benefit to you. Some people expect a complete stranger to have all the answers but as everyone's problems are so different and complex, no one could have all the answers. What they do is help you unlock the tools you already possess in order to help you help yourself, but you've got to let them in and you've got to go all in yourself, its not easy, it will feel so unnatural to begin with but the more you open up the better it will get.

Good luck.

I had five x 1 hour with a psychologist. In the fifth one I said, "You don't have answers, do you? You just help me ask the right questions?"

The wry smile told me I was done.

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by nuthin' fancy

I had five x 1 hour with a psychologist. In the fifth one I said, "You don't have answers, do you? You just help me ask the right questions?"

The wry smile told me I was done.

Pretty much.

My Daughter was involved in a serious car accident about 5yrs ago, she really struggled in the months after, it affected her grades, sport, home life, nothing was the same.
We arranged for her to see a Psychologist, she went for 3 or 4 sessions and then decided it was a waste of time because all they did was tell her to count her breathing when she felt overwhelmed.
I asked her what she thought was lacking from the interaction, she said she didn't feel any better, I said you've only been a few times give it a chance, nope, should be better by now and that was it.

Still to this day she hasn't made any progress and every time she blows up and starts blaming others for her predicament I remind her that we did everything we could to help her, but you cant help someone who wont help themselves, she just goes on about what a waste of time counting her breaths would be and I just shake my head...the irony.

[sneaky]

[QUOTE=whitelion65;6424229
If you get a therapist you connect with, and trust, stick with them.
If you feel the one you’re seeing isn’t right, tell them, and ask them to refer you on. They won’t mind, should be used to it.[/QUOTE]

came to say this.

a few years ago I spoke with a phone counselor, 2 or maybe 3 psychologists and finally found a psychiatrist that I 'clicked' with. The psychiatrist changed my meds and we had a handful of sessions, I liked her approach to quickly cut through the garbage and get to the point.

Now I have access to a counselling service through work. First guy was great, easy to speak to and I chatted to him pretty often. Sometimes just a 2 minute 'everything is good' and other times it was an hour discussion.

He has since moved on and I didn't click at all with his replacement so I have found another counselor but she is on a different work site to me so I only see her when it is 'needed' and the same unhelpful thoughts have been floating in my head for longer than they should.

[BENT_8]

Originally Posted by sneaky

came to say this.

a few years ago I spoke with a phone counselor, 2 or maybe 3 psychologists and finally found a psychiatrist that I 'clicked' with. The psychiatrist changed my meds and we had a handful of sessions, I liked her approach to quickly cut through the garbage and get to the point.

Now I have access to a counselling service through work. First guy was great, easy to speak to and I chatted to him pretty often. Sometimes just a 2 minute 'everything is good' and other times it was an hour discussion.

He has since moved on and I didn't click at all with his replacement so I have found another counselor but she is on a different work site to me so I only see her when it is 'needed' and the same unhelpful thoughts have been floating in my head for longer than they should.

This is very much true, just like the many different medications available to Dr's to treat mental health issues, not every pill works for every person, its very much trial and error and can be ongoing as you become 'immune' to their benefits.
So too is it with the professional's themselves, I was originally referred to a bloke whom my Dr said would be excellent for me, I wasn't comfortable with his attempt at hypnotherapy of listening to his recordings, the next person I saw was an Asian lady who was completely different in her approach and it just worked, I actually enjoyed speaking with her and am a different person today than I was 4yrs ago.
The first one made me feel like a victim, the second one challenged me not to be.

[sneaky]

Originally Posted by BENT_8

This is very much true, just like the many different medications available to Dr's to treat mental health issues, not every pill works for every person, its very much trial and error and can be ongoing as you become 'immune' to their benefits.
So too is it with the professional's themselves, I was originally referred to a bloke whom my Dr said would be excellent for me, I wasn't comfortable with his attempt at hypnotherapy of listening to his recordings, the next person I saw was an Asian lady who was completely different in her approach and it just worked, I actually enjoyed speaking with her and am a different person today than I was 4yrs ago.
The first one made me feel like a victim, the second one challenged me not to be.

I spent multiple sessions with the different psychologists but can't remember much from the sessions at all (maybe 10-15 sessions).. I know with one that was younger than me I spent my time thinking how could she know about marriage breakdowns and kids etc when it looked like she was fresh out of uni.

The psychiatrist I clicked with basically told me I wasn't alone going through divorce. I felt alone but there were heaps of other people getting divorced so I wasn't unique.. something along the lines of "you feel alone in your boat on the ocean, look around there are heaps of people alone in their boats" so get on with life.. there were a few breathing/relaxation tips throw in for good measure.

and it also took maybe 4-6 different medications to find the 'right' one for me.

[zilo]

Originally Posted by sneaky

I spent multiple sessions with the different psychologists but can't remember much from the sessions at all (maybe 10-15 sessions).. I know with one that was younger than me I spent my time thinking how could she know about marriage breakdowns and kids etc when it looked like she was fresh out of uni.

The psychiatrist I clicked with ...

yeah...Psychology is not a medical degree...it is a research degree.
My sister is head of Psychology dept in a big Australian Uni and they are her words.

Psychiatry on the other hand is a clinical degree.

I would not waste time (aka money) on psychologists.

[MercuryT]

I PMd Creative and response was awesome.

I am no Dr but can say this.

Endep (Amilytripaline) even though an old TriC drug not SSRI best for me.

Nil sideaffects and sleep really well.

The new ones really took a toll on me. Made me feel out of reality etc.

Just my experience (again, see your Dr) but I'm staying with it as worked for me that's all.

[creative]

Well after another breakdown for no reason I am trying to motivate myself a bit more to help distract my mind. I have found if I keep myself busy I can deal with things a lot more rationally.

I have decided to try a do something every day that I would enjoy, be it gardening ( I hate gardening btw ), tweaking the server/computers/playing with a Rpi ( altho linux isnt good for me in long doses lol ) my quads, or setting my garage up ready for a project.

I also have all these tools but never use them... so today I used them all! built myself a welding table, welded for the first time ever making it and learnt alot, mounted all my benchtop tools, secured the benches to the walls, changed the garnet in the sandblaster ( what a messy job that is) and just generally tried to relax...

It helped a bit I guess but I have to keep at it.....

I find pictures help...

[mondeomatureguy]

Hi guys,
When I got divorced and lost my house and a lot of money but still had my job. I had to find some where else to live and I found a granny flat not far from where I worked then in Parramatta.

I was in bed looking at the ceiling one night thinking "how the hell did my life get to this"?

A few nights later I used to go to bed around midnight and wake up the same time at around 3am in the morning.
This went on for a week waking up the same time so in the end I went to the Doctor and we had a chat.

He asked me "do I feel suicidal"? which of course I said "NO" He then gave me a Doctors Certificate for ten days and told me "just to go away for a while".

I got in the car and took off best thing I did I ended up driving down to Apollo Bay and it did me the world of good.

Some times you think your the only one going thru this and nobody cares which isn't the case at all there's people out there to help you and listen to you.

[oldel]

Originally Posted by mondeomatureguy

Hi guys,
When I got divorced and lost my house and a lot of money but still had my job. I had to find some where else to live and I found a granny flat not far from where I worked then in Parramatta.

I was in bed looking at the ceiling one night thinking "how the hell did my life get to this"?

A few nights later I used to go to bed around midnight and wake up the same time at around 3am in the morning.
This went on for a week waking up the same time so in the end I went to the Doctor and we had a chat.

He asked me "do I feel suicidal"? which of course I said "NO" He then gave me a Doctors Certificate for ten days and told me "just to go away for a while".

I got in the car and took off best thing I did I ended up driving down to Apollo Bay and it did me the world of good.

Some times you think your the only one going thru this and nobody cares which isn't the case at all there's people out there to help you and listen to you.

And if you end up even worse than that, it can get a little better.
I lost my job and my business before losing everything else. I didn't need anyone to listen because I was mute anyway.
It took a couple of years of even finding new lows before I could actually speak - That was the real challenging times nothing but muteness and suicide on my mind. No one could help because I couldn't talk (or even type)

No, that pit of despair never leaves, just some days are better if I don't think, or talk about real things.

[Full Noise]

Originally Posted by oldel

And if you end up even worse than that, it can get a little better.
I lost my job and my business before losing everything else. I didn't need anyone to listen because I was mute anyway.
It took a couple of years of even finding new lows before I could actually speak - That was the real challenging times nothing but muteness and suicide on my mind. No one could help because I couldn't talk (or even type)

No, that pit of despair never leaves, just some days are better if I don't think, or talk about real things.

You’ve found new lows but you’ve managed to deal with it. This shows that you’re stronger than those destructive feelings that you had. We all have those thoughts at some point but the key is to not let them overpower your thoughts. You’ve lost a lot, but focus on the good things you still have in your life, regardless of how small they may seem at the time. Look at this difficult time as a snapshot in time and it will be a small part of your life in the overall scheme of things.

I understand about the pit of despair you speak of, believe me I do, and in my case, I had to make friends with it. Once I accepted that, it helped me better understand ways to overcome it. That fact that you’re still here shows that you’re strong, even stronger to be able to discuss it on a forum like this.

Today is a new day, but it’s a better day.

[oldel]

Originally Posted by Full Noise

Today is a new day, but it’s a better day.

Things'll get brighter
Some day, yeah
We'll get it together and we'll get it all done
Some day
When your head is much lighter
Some day, yeah
We'll walk in the rays of a beautiful sun
Some day
When the world is much brighter

Yeah right...

[creative]

thanks to the couple of members that messaged me. I still dont feel good enough to talk about it so apologies if I didnt reply.. I tried, but couldnt send them.

Im still pottering at home which is helping and I have been trying to reach out to so called friends during this time. Unfortunately I am seeing who cares and who doesnt.. so far its nobody, even down to the point where one person blocked me... which was nice to say I had helped them when they were low. Gotta say, that helped me not feel alone... /sarcasm

I have narrowed down a few of my feelings now and I feel I know what gets to me so I have been avoiding those situations....

Appetite is still out the window, as is sleep but hey... I'm here so I guess that makes it OK.

[MercuryT]

Originally Posted by creative

thanks to the couple of members that messaged me. I still dont feel good enough to talk about it so apologies if I didnt reply.. I tried, but couldnt send them.

No need to apologise mate.

Most understand but those who've suffered depression in your experience know very well how hard it is.

Look after yourself and keep taking steps forward - day at a time (even hour at a time)

MercT

[whitelion65]

Hang in there, Creative.
I’ve been pretty good, mood wise lately, but have just been diagnosed with a brain condition.
I am in hospital at this moment, with surgery tomorrow.
Hopefully it will help!
I’ll let you know when I get through to the other side.