What's the right thing to do?

**fordomatic** · 08-10-2012, 07:40 PM

So I want to quickly explain a story, i'll try and get to the point quickly. About two years ago i was walking home from the city when i saw a lady being assaulted by her boyfriend, they were both about 25. Long story short he was massive and i took him on and did ok for a while until his girlfriend joined in. I am still dumbfounded why she decided to kick me in the head when i was defending her and yelling at her to run away. I still don't regret what i did to this day but it sure made me promise myself i would not interfere with couple fighting again, not when i got kicked in the head instead of being thanked.

Fast forward two years to Friday night. I was in Melbourne on Swanson street and a couple were walking past arguing. anyway just as they past me he grabbed her hair and threw her to the ground. Now i remember thinking i needed to get him in a headlock as he was right near me, but it was all over so fast.

As soon he pushed her to the ground he walked away fast. Now i am kicking myself that i didn't chase after him, i feel like i have let society and myself down. It was all over so fast that i didn't even have time to do anything. it's funny that im still thinking about it now but i feel like i should have chased him down. My MRS and i checked that the women was alright and we stayed with her for a while.

So my question is, what do you think the right thing to do in this situation is?

b2tf · 08-10-2012, 07:46 PM

First of all good on you for stepping in in the earlier encounter. Some relationships are that weird though that girl doesnt know what else to do other than put up with it - and then turns on anybody else (i.e. you) that tries to intervene or change things. Makes no sense but is sadly true (and common).

Secondly, well yes I would give old mate a bit of what for, but the scary thing about it is you dont know what he's going to do - pull out a knife etc. Pick your battles (as I'm sure you do).

I think anybody with decency about them has an obligation to step up and put a stop to crap like this and I applaud those that do it - in the right (safe) circumstances.

**Raptor** · 08-10-2012, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fordomatic

... So my question is, what do you think the right thing to do in this situation is ?

THIS => My MRS and i checked that the women was alright and we stayed with her for a while.

Job Done

SXR6 · 08-10-2012, 08:01 PM

Been in this exact situation! Couple of years ago, outside a pub in western syd. Guy beating on his girl. So I step in and start beating on him. She gets off the ground and jump on me and starts hitting and kicking me? WTF!

Another time, saw a guy spike a girls drink. Grabbed the drink off her and threw it over the guy, turned into a pretty big punch up now I come to think of it, some how I clocked a security guard in the mouth with the back of my elbow. I ended up in handcuffs and had to front the courts. The female actually come to my side that time.

Promised myself I wouldnt get involved again. Saw a guy bugging a group of girls on the train, I left it. The girls ended up saying something to this bloke which made him slap one.. I left it and felt like a dog for quite a while after it for not doing something.

Generally, If I step into something it usually gets broken up. I'm 6'5 and 125kg. Built, strong blah blah. Usually this is enough to stop a fight. But theres always the heros that have something to prove. I just try not to get involved, depends on the circumstances. I beat a guy to within an inch of his life for reaching up my girlfriends skirt in a club but ive let things go and put my hand threw a wall instead of them. I dont like being in handcuffs so I try and control myself.

**fordomatic** · 08-10-2012, 08:09 PM

Cheers for the comments.

I think it was different because i was with the MRS as well. I didn't want to chase after someone and then have her get involved as well. For all i know he could have had a gun then shoot the MRS, then i regret my actions for life.

It was just all over so quickly because he didn't hit her, there was no time to do anything while he was near me. What got me the most was that he did this at around 9 at night when there were people everywhere. No one did anything, but i think that's because everyone was stunned at how quickly it was over. This couple was fairly upperclass as well, very well dressed (suits and dress). God i wish he gave me more time to react.

MAD · 08-10-2012, 08:20 PM

For a start, well done for jumping in. Violence against women is disgusting and anyone guilty of it needs to be lined up in front of a few big blokes for a little medicine.

It's a tough decision, but ultimately every time you get involved it is doing society a good deed.
The more people that are willing to step in the less people will be willing to beat on their partners.

I have stepped in to defend someone before. I remember it pretty well, we were on a party boat and this couple was arguing he was getting quite loud on occasion but I just watched. Until he put his hands around her neck. In the blink of an eye I was in his face ripping his arms away from her. I don't remember making a conscious decision to do it, it just happened.

I hope that if the same thing occurred today that I would have the same response, but it is certainly becoming more and more scary to think what some people are willing to carry/use in a fight.

I think now,many years on, I have grown enough that I would be able to intervene with reason before jumping in like a mad man.

RegSpec · 08-10-2012, 08:33 PM

It can come back and bite you from a different angle too'....
I was sitting in this bar one night having a quiet drink with a friend when the guy beside me gets into an argument with his girlfriend.
All of a sudden he just king hits her...and I'm like....WTF...she falls back into the arms of her friends...bloody nose, split lip...etc...
Now call it my "old school" upbringing or whatever, but I havent got much sympathy for a guy who could do that to a woman half his size.
So I tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around...I did exactly the same to him .....
So this ******** is lying, moaning on the floor...
I was at least expecting a "thank you my hero" or "how about a date" or something mushy like that....
And what does she say??.....she screams out....Arrg, "look what you've done to my boyfriend""!!!!!"
Then tries to full on attack me ff's!!!......then the bouncers ask my friend and I to leave.....
Go figure that out".....

Jim Goose · 08-10-2012, 08:36 PM

Mate you did the right thing the first time round... sadly some females seem to react in a funny way and actually defend their other halfs actions (Police see this at domestics).

2nd time round you can only go by what happened previously.
Being hesitant is only natural thing to do.

Staying with her was the right thing to do and yes having your mrs there as well would make you think about her safety as well.

Geez Louise · 08-10-2012, 08:38 PM

Ultimately you can not "rescue" everyone in every situation you see. Your safety has to come into play.

You already did the right thing...you stayed with the woman and made sure she was okay. That was more than most would have done in the same situation.

Cheers
Col

**Captain Stubing** · 08-10-2012, 08:45 PM

Raptor hit it on the head, and you did the right thing making sure she was okay. That's what was more important right then.

No sense in chasing him down when his temper is hot, leave that for the boys in blue.

Good onya for not looking the other way!

Bossxr8 · 08-10-2012, 09:09 PM

What more can you do.

Might have been a different story if he continued beating her, but as it was over right away and he left you didn't have to do anymore than you did. No point getting knifed or shot if its already over.

Don't worry about it, you did good.

Keepleft · 08-10-2012, 11:11 PM

[QUOTE=fordomatic]Fast forward two years to Friday night. I was in Melbourne on Swanson street and a couple were walking past arguing. anyway just as they past me he grabbed her hair and threw her to the ground. Now i remember thinking i needed to get him in a headlock as he was right near me, but it was all over so fast. QUOTE]
Should have told her to give him back his handbag! (Movie - They call me Bruce).

:-)

my_gxl · 08-10-2012, 11:16 PM

In the second instance, You looked after the woman-you did the right thing.

xisled · 09-10-2012, 12:41 AM

You did the right thing and made sure the girl was ok. There is no need to go after some idiot who hit chicks, if you had of hit him or went after him and seriously hurt him, you would be the one who gets locked up.

The saddest part of all this 99 percent chance she would be back with him the next day.

Dash_XR · 09-10-2012, 08:32 AM

Of course under the right circumstances but I'll always remember Brendan Keiler, in 2007 he tried to do the right thing defending a stranger and now his kids have to grow up without a father.

BAXR8_Ute · 09-10-2012, 08:25 PM

You can't help someone who won't help themselves. What's the point in flogging him? You'll just get yourself in trouble. Just make sure she's ok. If she wants the cops involved, you can be a witness in court.

zilo · 09-10-2012, 10:23 PM

You have to be careful getting physically involved.

The police will gladly charge both parties with assault.

You will never ever get a good job after that, you'll get to interview 3 then mysteriously miss out on the jobs...time after time.

Plenty of video surveillance around these days in Melbourne to do the enforcement for you.

b0son · 10-10-2012, 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fordomatic

As soon he pushed her to the ground he walked away fast. Now i am kicking myself that i didn't chase after him, i feel like i have let society and myself down.

Dont. If he's happy to get physical in public, he's probably been doing so in private for a while. And if its not the first time, then she's obviously made her choice and isnt ready to walk away. This is why the first time you were in such a situation, the girl went after you.

hawker · 10-10-2012, 06:00 AM

You did the right thing the second time. The first time I'm not so sure, but I mean, I wasn't there, you were, it was your call. That said your safety should always be a priority. You don't need to die to be a hero.

In this day and age (with mobile phones), regardless of the situation, I'd be straight on the phone to police. If the person looks to need help, I'd help, including getting between them, but this doesn't mean you have to go over and knock someone out. Depending on the situation, you'd be best to get near them, let them know the police are on the way and if needed step in.

Don't forget to treat the situation like the police would - don't trust anyone. Don't turn your back on the person being beaten, just because it looks like they're in a vulnerable position. I think that is the lesson to be learned from your first encounter.

If they throw a punch, or try to attack you it becomes a different ball game - you have the right to defend yourself, this doesn't mean you can beat someone to near death because you got emotional. You need to be reasonable.

That said, this is all academic until you're stuck in that situation (which I hope most of us aren't in), but I believe you should have a good look around, call the police before stepping in - and always watch your back!

And don't forget, just because someone is 6 foot 5 and built like a brick dunny, doesn't mean they'll be a heavyweight champion. People like this are sometimes very gutless, and the mention of the police often sees them running away like scared rabbits in headlights.

gtxb67 · 10-10-2012, 07:15 AM

it is a tough situation
on one hand no one likes to see someone get pushed/hit/beaten etc.
on the other, if a man steps in to stop a woman getting hit by her boyfriend/husband, the moment the rescuer is not around, you can bet anything you like the punishment will be much more severe. not that dis-similar to the school ground when the teacher stops the bullies. as soon as the vulnerable one is alone it all starts again

maybe the women in this situation turn onto their rescuer because they know so well, that the treatment they were receiving on the street is much less severe, than the beating they will get once they are alone with their scumbag attacker

fortunately i have never seen anything like this happening, but there is both reason to help and reason to let it be - and that is long before personal safety comes into it

iCat · 10-10-2012, 01:43 PM

if it's an unknown couple, make sure she is ok, assist her in any way needed, call police if necessary, then walk away. because in some situations, if you go for him, he is likely to take it out on her at a later time, and no one will be there to protect her. keep the peace, dont inflame the perpetrator.