The joys of motorbikes

[zhodak]

This actually happened to friend of mine the other day. It is a bit of read, but well worth it.


I never dreamed that slowly cruising on my motorcycle through a residential neighbourhood could be so incredibly dangerous! Little did I suspect. I was in Red Hill - a very nice neighbourhood (in Canberra) with dried out lawns and slow traffic. As I passed an oncoming car, a brown furry missile shot out from under it and tumbled to a stop immediately in front of me.

It was a possum and must have been trying to run across the road when it encountered the car. I really was not going very fast, but there was no time to brake or avoid it -- it was that close! I hate to run over animals, and I really hate it on a motorcycle; but a possum should pose no danger to me. I barely had time to brace for the impact. Animal lovers and PETA extremists never fear. Possums, I discovered, can take care of themselves!

Inches before impact, the possum flipped to his feet. He was standing on his hind legs and facing my oncoming XR400 with steadfast resolve in his beady little eyes. His mouth opened; and at the last possible second, he screamed and leapt! I am pretty sure the scream was possum for, "Bonzai!" or maybe, "Die you gravy-sucking, heathen scum!" The leap was nothing short of spectacular. He shot straight up, flew over my handlebars, and impacted me squarely in the chest. Instantly, he set upon me. If I did not know better, I would have sworn he brought 20 of his little buddies along for the attack. Snarling, hissing, and tearing at my clothes, he was a frenzy of activity. As I was dressed only in a light T-shirt, summer riding gloves, and jeans, this was a bit of a cause for concern. This furry little tornado was doing some damage!

Picture a large man on a large red dirt bike, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and leather gloves, puttering at maybe 50 Km/h down a quiet residential street, and in the fight of his life with a possum.

And losing... I grabbed for him with my left hand. After a few misses, I finally managed to snag his tail. With all my strength, I flung the evil rodent off to the left of the bike, almost running into the right curb as I recoiled from the throw. That should have done it. The matter should have ended right there.

It really should have. The possum could have sailed into one of the pristinely kept yards and gone on about his business, and I could have headed home. No one would have been the wiser. But this was no ordinary possum. This was not even an ordinary angry possum. This was an EVIL MUTANT ATTACK POSSUM OF DEATH!

Somehow he caught my gloved finger with one of his little hands; and, with the force of the throw, swung around and with a resounding thump and an amazing impact, he landed squarely on my BACK and resumed his rather antisocial and extremely distracting activities. He also managed to take my left glove with him! The situation was not improved. Not improved at all. His attacks were continuing, and now I could not reach him. I was startled, to say the least. The combination of the force of the throw, only having one hand (the throttle hand) on the handlebars, and my jerking back unfortunately put a healthy twist through my right hand and into the throttle. A healthy twist on the throttle of a XR400 can only have one result.

Torque. This is what the XR400 is made for; and she is very, very good at it. The engine roared, and the front wheel left the road. The possum screamed in anger. The XR400 screamed in ecstasy. I screamed in - well, I just plain screamed.

Now picture a large man on a large red dirt bike, dressed in jeans, a slightly possum-torn t-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, and roaring at maybe 80 km/h and rapidly accelerating down a quiet residential street on one wheel, with a demonic possum of death on his back.

The man and the possum are both screaming bloody murder. With the sudden acceleration, I was forced to put my other hand back on the handlebars and try to get control of the bike. This was leaving the mutant possum to his own devices; but I really did not want to crash into somebody's tree, house, or parked car. Also, I had not yet figured out how to release the throttle. My brain was just simply overloaded. I did manage to mash the back brake, but it had little effect.

About this time, the possum decided that I was not paying sufficient attention to this very serious battle (maybe he was an evil mutant NAZI attack possum of death); and he came around my neck and got INSIDE my full-face helmet with me. As the faceplate closed part way, he began hissing in my face. I am quite sure my screaming changed intensity. It had little effect on the possum, however. The RPMs on the Honda maxed out (since I was not bothering with shifting at the moment); so her front end started to drop.

Now, picture a large man on a large red dirt bike, dressed in jeans, a very raggedly torn T-shirt, wearing only one leather glove, roaring at probably 90 km/h, still on one wheel, with a large puffy possum's tail sticking out of the mostly closed full-face helmet. By now, the screams are probably getting a little hoarse.

Finally, I got the upper hand. I managed to grab his tail again, pulled him out of my helmet, and slung him to the left as hard as I could. This time it worked - sort of.

Spectacularly sort of ...so to speak.
Picture a new scene. You are a Federal cop. You and your partner have pulled off on a quiet residential street and parked with your windows down to do some paperwork. Suddenly, a large man on a large red dirt bike, dressed in jeans, a torn T-shirt flapping in the breeze, and wearing only one leather glove, moving at probably 90 km/h on one wheel, and screaming bloody murder roars by, and with all his strength throws a live possum grenade directly into your police car.

I heard screams. They weren't mine. I managed to get the bike under control and dropped the front wheel to the ground. I then used maximum braking and skidded to a stop in a cloud of tire smoke at the stop sign of a busy cross street. I would have returned to 'fess up (and to get my glove back). I really would have. Really. Except for two things.

First, the cops did not seem interested or the slightest bit concerned about me at the moment. When I looked back, the doors on both sides of the police car were flung wide open. The cop from the passenger side was on his back, doing a crab walk into somebody's front yard, quickly moving away from the car. The cop who had been in the driver's seat was standing in the street, aiming his pistol at his own police car.

So, the cops were not interested in me. They often insist to "let the professionals handle it" anyway. That was one thing. The other?
Well, I could clearly see shredded and flying pieces of foam and upholstery from the back seat. But I could also swear I saw the possum in the back window, shaking his little fist at me. That is one dangerous possum. And now he has a police car. A somewhat shredded police car, but it was all his.

I took a deep breath, turned on my turn-signal, made a gentle right turn, and sedately left the neighbourhood. I decided it was best to just buy myself a new pair of gloves, underpants and a whole lot of Band-Aids.

[pennybrain]

Wow. Sounds like quite an event. Would have been funny to have witnessed it.
Did any other cars stop (or follow) the bike to see what happened?

[EA2BA]

sounds like a repost of the squirel story from the USA to me ..............

[GreenMachine]

Sorry mate:

http://www.vtwinmama.com/demonic_squ...ding_story.htm

Still, great story!

[Neeek]

LOL! Bronx is owned.

[Falcon Coupe]

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

Sorry mate:

http://www.vtwinmama.com/demonic_squ...ding_story.htm

Still, great story!

Oh'rly ?

I smell bs..... :

[ratter]

Copied from another site....

but the names and locations have changed to protect the innocent :

[The Monty]

Awww, and I was actually believing it...

[Dezza]

Imagine if that really happened! That is absolutely hilarious!

[Felony]

Lol this was on fordmods about a year ago dood :P
Cheers

[Interceptor]

yup, on fordmods about a year ago, and still just as funny as when i posted it there!

[Laminge]

Bah

Still a bloody ripper of a story, enough so that I was in tears having encountered a possum once in the cavity of the roof to share the vision of those buggers vengeance..

Thanks for the laugh..

[xr8man83]

HAHAHAHA top story bloke

[Scott]

Thought it sounded impossumble when I read it lol.

[poolkeeper]

Wow, are you lying??
Damm is the only thing I can say...

[4.9 EF Futura]

*meh* facts schmacts.

Its a great read, thanks for the repost!!!